God I hope this isn't just me

Do you ever stand up after whizzing, all done with your business, and see a drop in the toilet and you're all "wtf. I mopped up that area like it was on a damn Brawny commercial so where the fuck did THAT come from?! Did I pee on my BACK?!".

Or does that only happen to me.

Fuck.

I hope it isn't just me.

If it is, you'd better not tell anyone. If you do, I'll totally spill the beans on your parking lot shenanigans in your car. I'LL DO IT.

Must be nice.

Me: omg your bright orange loafers are SO cute!

My Replacement: Thanks!

Me: What brand are they?? I might need them.

MR: Tod's. They were kind of a splurge, but you know...

Me: Yeah, my $3 Target flats aren't lasting quite as long as I had hoped. Time to consider investing in some legit shoes.

And so I haul ass back to my desk so I can look them up and drool. What's a splurge? $100? Oh no wait.

FROM $395?! Are you fucking serious. Guuurl, I know exactly how much you make. Must be nice to obviously still be living off of moms and pops.

dammit.

symmetrical balance chocolate brown belt - $16.99 : ShopRuche.com, Vintage Inspired Clothing, Affordable Clothes, Eco friendly Fashion

proud peacock pewter necklace - $11.99 : ShopRuche.com, Vintage Inspired Clothing, Affordable Clothes, Eco friendly Fashion

paradise in plum pleated dress - $39.99 : ShopRuche.com, Vintage Inspired Clothing, Affordable Clothes, Eco friendly Fashion

hey, Benjamin Franklin: why don't you please go ahead and hop into my wallet so I can have some pretties...?!?! kthxbai.

So delicious and so disgusting.

All at the same time.


Thanks, whichever coworker left half of a cookie in the otherwise empty huge cookie container thing.

yessssss!

sorry I didn't get you a cake....some friend I am!

ego boost.

Scene: sitting on a southbound CalTrain, 33 seconds ago

Looked out window as train pulled away from San Antonio station...

...cute boy sitting on bench waiting for a northbound train catches my eye. And waves/smiles. Twice.

Why, thankyouverymuch random stranger...

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slutty butt

...just impose a teeny tiny bikini and an umbrella drink.....

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