Balls.

And a sack.  A brown one, in fact.  Holding a tall-boy o' Bud Light.

Jealous x a gazillion.

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I Haz a Happee

Battle Jeans

Why do the only jeans that fit my ass have to barely cover it?

People who are over the age of 17 have ass, TOO, jean industry. Ass crack and whale tale are frowned upon in the adult world. Well...MY adult world, anyway.

:l

Every weekday morning, theres a southbound train that doesn't stop at the sunnyvale station, where I wait to catch my 8:54a northbound train. 

Every single time it flies by, blowing the horn and pushing 70mph, I get all petrified for those poor, stupid kids that jumped in front of the trains last year.  And that just makes me really sad....

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potty probs

the toilet at our office makes me feel like a 87-year old woman who never learned the sky-high value of kegels and suffers from loose...parts.  or a male cat in heat. 

its got one of those seats w a massive opening at the front, which somehow elicits all kinds of splashy sprays.  

cleanup on aisle three!

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Wow.

You never cease to amaze me...those of the orient.

Where does one even *find* such treasures?!

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Fact:

Whenever my new boss says a word that contains the letters R, T, and H consecutively, it comes out sounding  like "erf".  Birfday, Norf America, Fort Werf...

The first time I heard it, I thought he was being silly and got *thisclose* to openly mocking him.  Then he said it again ... to a customer. 

Phew.  Dodged THAT bullet!

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Memories

Summer: Hey, Nicole, what's up with that bruise on your leg?

Nicole: The what? Where? Oh..it's...this...I don't know

Summer: That's a pretty big bruise to not know how you got it

Nicole: I....think I bumped into something or something

Summer: Bullshit, that thing is gnarly. Spill.

Nicole: FINE. I fell out of the shower.

Ruche, you sly sly devil

All of the sudden I want ALL OF THE THINGS. Rain loafers and fancy shower caps?? Ridiculous and totally necessary.

God I hope this isn't just me

Do you ever stand up after whizzing, all done with your business, and see a drop in the toilet and you're all "wtf. I mopped up that area like it was on a damn Brawny commercial so where the fuck did THAT come from?! Did I pee on my BACK?!".

Or does that only happen to me.

Fuck.

I hope it isn't just me.

If it is, you'd better not tell anyone. If you do, I'll totally spill the beans on your parking lot shenanigans in your car. I'LL DO IT.

Must be nice.

Me: omg your bright orange loafers are SO cute!

My Replacement: Thanks!

Me: What brand are they?? I might need them.

MR: Tod's. They were kind of a splurge, but you know...

Me: Yeah, my $3 Target flats aren't lasting quite as long as I had hoped. Time to consider investing in some legit shoes.

And so I haul ass back to my desk so I can look them up and drool. What's a splurge? $100? Oh no wait.

FROM $395?! Are you fucking serious. Guuurl, I know exactly how much you make. Must be nice to obviously still be living off of moms and pops.

dammit.

symmetrical balance chocolate brown belt - $16.99 : ShopRuche.com, Vintage Inspired Clothing, Affordable Clothes, Eco friendly Fashion

proud peacock pewter necklace - $11.99 : ShopRuche.com, Vintage Inspired Clothing, Affordable Clothes, Eco friendly Fashion

paradise in plum pleated dress - $39.99 : ShopRuche.com, Vintage Inspired Clothing, Affordable Clothes, Eco friendly Fashion

hey, Benjamin Franklin: why don't you please go ahead and hop into my wallet so I can have some pretties...?!?! kthxbai.

So delicious and so disgusting.

All at the same time.


Thanks, whichever coworker left half of a cookie in the otherwise empty huge cookie container thing.

yessssss!

sorry I didn't get you a cake....some friend I am!

ego boost.

Scene: sitting on a southbound CalTrain, 33 seconds ago

Looked out window as train pulled away from San Antonio station...

...cute boy sitting on bench waiting for a northbound train catches my eye. And waves/smiles. Twice.

Why, thankyouverymuch random stranger...

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slutty butt

...just impose a teeny tiny bikini and an umbrella drink.....

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