I want you. I need you. God damnit I can't afford you.

Sigh
Swoon
Please?

prevent defense:

spit-shining my silverware at work helps me prevent others from using it. not that they would use it, becuz I keep that shit on lock in a labled ziplock baggie. and not that they would even know it was spit-shined, buuuuuuut if they do seek it out, pilfer it and use it, they'll get not-herpes...they'll still get germies.

Oh Ruche, you play with my heartstrings

Hey summer (the season, not you)...

....thanks for finally showing up so I can eat this, muthabitches.

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first world problems.

So, I want something a little bit slutty for Vegas, because its Vegas. Found this little number in solid cobalt blue on clearance for like $15 and jumped its bones.

It came in the mail yesterday. Yowza - it fits the bill of a 'slutty Vegas dress'. I'd be lying if I said A: I didn't kinda like it anyways and B: I can't guarantee you won't catch a glimpse of buttcheek in it. However, versatile it is not, and I'm trying to be good about only buying/keeping things I love and can get an assload of mileage out of...

I found these little pretties:

tank dress - similar sillohuette but prob contains less spandex. I'm not ecstatic about the neutral colors, but could live with it...could make it more versatile, no?! Maybe in grey, if its not 'make me pasty grey'???

ruffly pockety dress - it may be a bit casual for an clubby night out in Vegas, but that color is fantastic and it. has. pockets. (imagine it with my new mustard wedges and a belt...sigh).

Both are currently in stock at the Nordstrom at Stanford mall. FML.

TORN. HALP!

Fat

I love when I'm all "shit, yeah! I'm gonna eat HELLA HEALTHY today and stop being a lard ass! Woot!!" and then half way through the sentence of someone telling me that there's left over lunch from a meeting, I'm shoving sandwiches and potato salad and mini cheesecakes in my face like it's my last fucking meal.

Sigh.

Faker

"My family really likes you. My aunt was asking my mom if you're always so mellow and laid back".

Apparently I kept it well under wraps that I was mid shit fit when this encounter happened because OMG YOU DONT NEED TO TURN THE ENTIRE DINING AREA AT THE HOTEL UPSIDE DOWN TO FIND US CHAIRS TO SIT AT YOUR TABLE I'M ACTUALLY MORE THAN HAPPY TO SPEND JUST 10 MINS OF ALONE/QUIET TIME WITH THEBOY AWAY FROM THE CONSTANT TORNADO OF FAMILY-NESS AND DEAFENING NOISE IN SAID DINING AREA WHILE WE EAT BREAKFAST OUTSIDE.

Omg.

Seriously.

Alone time. Ah needz it.

yum.

Kara's Cupcakes three days in a row?  Don't mind if I do/did!

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I like big hay-er

You know when you  can just FEEL that you're having a good hair day? Like, it feels like it's sitting perfectly around your face and you're all "shit, yeah! I am ROCKING my hair today!!".

And then you go to the bathroom and look in the mirror and your hair is totally wonky and flat and looks nothing like you thought it did.

Damn it.

Margs

"Relationships are about compromise; my margaritas are not." - Bethenny Frankel

I've been hearing a lot about Skinny Girl Margaritas.

Mostly that they taste great and are really strong.

I feel like a test night should probably be in our future.

Written as I drink my 97th Fat Girl Margarita of the weekend.

#winning

Eff YOU, coworker in the $400 loafers!

I'M wearing my new $3 shirt!

IT has a dabble of neon colors on it and is awesome.

AND it matches my neon yellow skivvies, which are ALSO awesome.

Point: me.

Maxi Skirts

I'm obsessed.

I want/need some/lots.

Edit (30 secs later): I bought both. Because I'm made of money and my rent DIDNT just go up 20% and I DIDNT just book a flight for a weekend in socal. Whatev. I get an extra paycheck in June, so eff it. My ass has the potential to look SICK in these. Time will tell...

Edit 2: This is my first purchase from Ruche since December. I feel so alive!

Sucktastic

Few things suck as bad as having a blister from wearing heels, knowing the instant relief a bandaid would provide, but NOT HAVING ONE.

ow.

I almost feel like I'm at the age where cute heels are worth the excruciating pain.

But not quite.

Picture of health.

Nothing says fit like a half-pound of sugar.

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Is it hot out yet?

Ghetto (sideways) sangria/spritzer w dick ice.  Makes me look forward to summertime and the real thing...

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Oh my Oliver Jeeezus...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/50-unexplainable-black-white-photos?s=mobile

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Eff

I hate it when it inexplicably hot at work  and I have to take my sweatshirt off, revealing the crappy t-shirt underneath that I put on thinking that I wasn't going to take off my sweatshirt all day. Stupid casual Friday's.

Nice people are nice.

From cube neighbor this morning:

"Good Morning Summer,

You’re good, and *Company Name* is lucky to have you…. :)…and that goes for your boyfriend too… :) "

The second smiley face was actually red. 

 (and not as creepy as it potentially sounds. uber nice guy)

In the span of 2 secs

Me to coworker: "Cute cardigan!"

In my brain: "It's like the color of raspberry sorbet. But the GOOD raspberry sorbet thats super dark. Like Haagen Daz sorbet. Not the pink fakey raspberry sorbet. Sorbet always makes me think of sherbert. Rainbow sherbert sounds SO good right now. Is it sherbet? I think it is. Sherbet sounds wrong. And kinda lame. Sherbert is way cooler sounding".

The end.

Oh hey, creeper...

True story:  as I sit on CalTrain this afternoon wishing for a beer, a lovely lil Asian girl sits across from me.  I glance up and make eye contact w her adorable and perfect-in every way knapsack (yup, just said/wrote knapsack).  Size, shape, color...its everything I want -nay, need- in a work bag.

In a sly effort to snap a pic of it to recall later, I managed to catch the eye if the stranger seated next to her...causing momentary panic that it totally looked like I was in hot pursuit of her Vag, not her Bag to surge thru me and resulting in the shot posted.  So there's that...

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Dear Ruche

Isn't the bottom part of the mannequin sorta supposed to represent the vagtastic voyage area? Shouldn't that NOT be showing on something that you describe as a dress?

Balls.

And a sack.  A brown one, in fact.  Holding a tall-boy o' Bud Light.

Jealous x a gazillion.

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I Haz a Happee

Battle Jeans

Why do the only jeans that fit my ass have to barely cover it?

People who are over the age of 17 have ass, TOO, jean industry. Ass crack and whale tale are frowned upon in the adult world. Well...MY adult world, anyway.

:l

Every weekday morning, theres a southbound train that doesn't stop at the sunnyvale station, where I wait to catch my 8:54a northbound train. 

Every single time it flies by, blowing the horn and pushing 70mph, I get all petrified for those poor, stupid kids that jumped in front of the trains last year.  And that just makes me really sad....

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potty probs

the toilet at our office makes me feel like a 87-year old woman who never learned the sky-high value of kegels and suffers from loose...parts.  or a male cat in heat. 

its got one of those seats w a massive opening at the front, which somehow elicits all kinds of splashy sprays.  

cleanup on aisle three!

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Wow.

You never cease to amaze me...those of the orient.

Where does one even *find* such treasures?!

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Fact:

Whenever my new boss says a word that contains the letters R, T, and H consecutively, it comes out sounding  like "erf".  Birfday, Norf America, Fort Werf...

The first time I heard it, I thought he was being silly and got *thisclose* to openly mocking him.  Then he said it again ... to a customer. 

Phew.  Dodged THAT bullet!

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Memories

Summer: Hey, Nicole, what's up with that bruise on your leg?

Nicole: The what? Where? Oh..it's...this...I don't know

Summer: That's a pretty big bruise to not know how you got it

Nicole: I....think I bumped into something or something

Summer: Bullshit, that thing is gnarly. Spill.

Nicole: FINE. I fell out of the shower.

Ruche, you sly sly devil

All of the sudden I want ALL OF THE THINGS. Rain loafers and fancy shower caps?? Ridiculous and totally necessary.

God I hope this isn't just me

Do you ever stand up after whizzing, all done with your business, and see a drop in the toilet and you're all "wtf. I mopped up that area like it was on a damn Brawny commercial so where the fuck did THAT come from?! Did I pee on my BACK?!".

Or does that only happen to me.

Fuck.

I hope it isn't just me.

If it is, you'd better not tell anyone. If you do, I'll totally spill the beans on your parking lot shenanigans in your car. I'LL DO IT.

Must be nice.

Me: omg your bright orange loafers are SO cute!

My Replacement: Thanks!

Me: What brand are they?? I might need them.

MR: Tod's. They were kind of a splurge, but you know...

Me: Yeah, my $3 Target flats aren't lasting quite as long as I had hoped. Time to consider investing in some legit shoes.

And so I haul ass back to my desk so I can look them up and drool. What's a splurge? $100? Oh no wait.

FROM $395?! Are you fucking serious. Guuurl, I know exactly how much you make. Must be nice to obviously still be living off of moms and pops.

dammit.

symmetrical balance chocolate brown belt - $16.99 : ShopRuche.com, Vintage Inspired Clothing, Affordable Clothes, Eco friendly Fashion

proud peacock pewter necklace - $11.99 : ShopRuche.com, Vintage Inspired Clothing, Affordable Clothes, Eco friendly Fashion

paradise in plum pleated dress - $39.99 : ShopRuche.com, Vintage Inspired Clothing, Affordable Clothes, Eco friendly Fashion

hey, Benjamin Franklin: why don't you please go ahead and hop into my wallet so I can have some pretties...?!?! kthxbai.

So delicious and so disgusting.

All at the same time.


Thanks, whichever coworker left half of a cookie in the otherwise empty huge cookie container thing.

yessssss!

sorry I didn't get you a cake....some friend I am!

ego boost.

Scene: sitting on a southbound CalTrain, 33 seconds ago

Looked out window as train pulled away from San Antonio station...

...cute boy sitting on bench waiting for a northbound train catches my eye. And waves/smiles. Twice.

Why, thankyouverymuch random stranger...

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slutty butt

...just impose a teeny tiny bikini and an umbrella drink.....

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My feet would be so happy....

Holy shit balls. My feet needs these and my bank account needs $325 to buy them. SWOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!

I would kill...

...for one of Kara's meyer lemon cupcakes right now.

Kill.

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Le Sigh....

Hey, chikinpock, remember those fantastical shoes that I bought and then took back for an annoyingly adult and mature reason? How hot would those look with this:


SO HOT. Sure that, and all dresses from Ruche, would cover 3/4 of my ass cheeks, but STILL. Damn it.

oh hai!

dear summa,

this is something i thought of creating about a month ago, always while i was at work...boo on work. finally, finally...i remembered while i was home. so here it is: the. best. blog. EVAR. and its all ours. apparently the rest of the internet isn't as clever at spelling or drawing with their left hands. pshh. sucks to be them.

this is step one to our own personal tv show.

sometimes i fucking hate you, but not today! :]

love,
nic