Battle Jeans

Why do the only jeans that fit my ass have to barely cover it?

People who are over the age of 17 have ass, TOO, jean industry. Ass crack and whale tale are frowned upon in the adult world. Well...MY adult world, anyway.

:l

Every weekday morning, theres a southbound train that doesn't stop at the sunnyvale station, where I wait to catch my 8:54a northbound train. 

Every single time it flies by, blowing the horn and pushing 70mph, I get all petrified for those poor, stupid kids that jumped in front of the trains last year.  And that just makes me really sad....

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potty probs

the toilet at our office makes me feel like a 87-year old woman who never learned the sky-high value of kegels and suffers from loose...parts.  or a male cat in heat. 

its got one of those seats w a massive opening at the front, which somehow elicits all kinds of splashy sprays.  

cleanup on aisle three!

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Wow.

You never cease to amaze me...those of the orient.

Where does one even *find* such treasures?!

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Fact:

Whenever my new boss says a word that contains the letters R, T, and H consecutively, it comes out sounding  like "erf".  Birfday, Norf America, Fort Werf...

The first time I heard it, I thought he was being silly and got *thisclose* to openly mocking him.  Then he said it again ... to a customer. 

Phew.  Dodged THAT bullet!

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Memories

Summer: Hey, Nicole, what's up with that bruise on your leg?

Nicole: The what? Where? Oh..it's...this...I don't know

Summer: That's a pretty big bruise to not know how you got it

Nicole: I....think I bumped into something or something

Summer: Bullshit, that thing is gnarly. Spill.

Nicole: FINE. I fell out of the shower.

Ruche, you sly sly devil

All of the sudden I want ALL OF THE THINGS. Rain loafers and fancy shower caps?? Ridiculous and totally necessary.